From: Santa Claus (firstname.lastname@example.org)
To: God (email@example.com)
First of all, I’d like to thank you once again for keeping me alive these past 1662 years to do your good work on Earth; even though the rest of the Saints have been assumed into heaven, I’m having a grand old time up here at the North Pole, working 12-hour days 11 months out of the year just so you can punish the naughty children of the world — seemingly your only objective over these last few centuries. Remember when that whole World War II thing was going on a while back and I was all like “hey maybe you should do something about this” and you were all “business as usual?” Millions died, but I appreciated your sticktoitiveness. Plus, I bet you made a lot of new friends when that was all over! Hey, tell Harry Truman I said hi — ho ho ho, just kidding. We all know he’s roasting in hell for killing tens of thousands of innocent civilians. Guess you could have prevented that in some way, but hey, don’t let me tell you how to do your job!
This brings me to our next subject: The Devil. I take it he’s a thorn in your side, too, but I’m guessing you guys have pretty good security up in Heaven because as far as I know, he’s never seen you either. Listen, God, you don’t know what it’s like out there on Christmas Eve. You think it’s all cookies, carrots, winking, and touching your nose, but ever since Satan started disrupting Santa’s very tight Christmas Eve schedule, my life has been a living Hell… literally.
Just a little afterlife humor for you, there. Thought you’d appreciate it.